Forget Being Supermom—Just be “Good-Enough Mom.”

Psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud, co-author of the life-changing Boundaries books and The Mom Factor, says that today’s moms will do more good for their families by giving up “the Supermom model of motherhood, which never worked anyway,” and instead relaxing into being a “good-enough mom.”

Why would a psychologist suggest that just being a “good-enough mom” is a healthy idea?

good enough mom

“Perfectionistic mothers,” Cloud says, “tend to either go crazy or make their spouse, their kids, or their kids’ spouses crazy. Stop trying to be the perfect mom, and be content with being a ‘good-enough’ mom.”

What is a “good-enough mom”?

According to Cloud, the “good-enough mom” (the one who’s most likely to raise healthy kids and teens) has these characteristics:

1. She’s adequate, but human and fallible. That’s OK. She’s still growing. She isn’t thrown for a loop when she messes up. She humbly apologizes, corrects course, learns everything she can from her mistakes, and moves on.

2. She’s emotionally present whenever possible. She doesn’t make absence and detachment an ongoing habit.

3. Understanding that all human beings struggle with some degree of “badness,” she does this. She expresses acceptance and love for her whole, entire child—not just the shiny, admirable, award-winning, high-performing aspects of her child.

4. She doesn’t micromanage her children’s decisions and choices, but…. She does provide her children with structure and containment that they can operate within. Put another way, she gives her kids freedom to make their own decisions within healthy limits and boundaries. When the child crosses the healthy limit line, she sadly, with empathy, allows the child to experience the consequences of his or her actions. This pattern of providing freedom along with containment is one of her most powerful teaching tools.

5. She demonstrates confident strength, self-control, and resilience. She’s not a fragile, brittle china doll, easily shattered and falling to pieces when her child experiences panic, rage, sadness, fear, or staggering pain from making bad choices.

6. She’s enthusiastically supportive of her teen’s growing sense of separateness, rather than resisting it.

7. She enthusiastically promotes the happy goal of responsible adulthood, and she actively trains her child for it. She doesn’t consciously or unconsciously do things that keep her kids dependent on her.

8. She equips her child for adult life, and then actively helps her son or daughter to leave the nest.

9. When she realizes that she has weakness in one or more of the above areas, she gets good help, from safe people.

If you’re a mom, here’s a challenge for you. Set a timer for five minutes, and write down the parts of mothering that are currently causing you the most stress.

If they’re not on this list, consider letting them go—and just being a “good-enough mom.”

Dr. Cloud would say, “Way to go! That’s perfect.”

: -)

If you’re trying to promote independence for your kids, but you’re stressed about upcoming college costs and future college debt—please don’t worry. I can help.

Just turn to the chapter labeled with your kid’s current month and year in school in my book:

It’s a reference book, so nobody reads the whole thing cover to cover. Pick out what you need to read in it using the fast-paced, 10-minute video instructions here.

You can see hundreds of reviews of this book on Amazon by going to:

bit.ly/burlowski

(Tell your friends.)

You can see why financial advising professionals love LAUNCHhere.

You can see the top 9 questions parents are asking me about LAUNCHhere.

Read just one chapter of LAUNCH every 1–3 months while your child’s in middle school and high school, and you’ll know every viable strategy for debt-free college at exactly the right time to implement it.

And if your child’s already well past middle school? That’s OK; you can run to catch up. But the process of getting your kids through college debt-free goes more smoothly the earlier you start it—especially if you’re not planning to save up any money to pay for college.

Take a step on this right now. Get regular, inspiring help from me—every Monday morning.

Subscribe to my free weekly email newsletter here.

Do you have specific questions for me about debt-free college and career for your kids?

It’s my members that get most direct access to me. Doors to my membership open each year for just 5 days in March, and 5 days in September. It costs just pennies per day, but space is limited. Join the Waiting List here.

Did you find this article through a Facebook post?

Please click the LIKE or SHARE button on that Facebook post right now. You’ll be helping me get this info out to lower-income families who might never otherwise find out about it.

What about you?

What have you found that makes you feel better about the long journey of mothering? Comment below or LIKE Jeannie Burlowski Author on Facebook, find this post on that page, and let’s talk about it there.

Who is Jeannie Burlowski?

Jeannie is a full-time academic strategist, podcast host, and sought-after speaker for students ages 12–26, their parents, and the professionals who serve them. Her writing, speaking, and podcasting help parents set their kids up to graduate college debt-free, ready to jump directly into careers they excel at and love. Her work has been featured in publications such as The Huffington Post, USA Today, Parents Magazine, and US News and World Report, and on CBS News.

Jeannie also helps students apply to law, medical, business, and grad school at her website GetIntoMedSchool.com. You can follow her on Twitter @JBurlowski.

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Categories

Hi, I'm Jeannie Burlowski

I'm a full-time academic strategist, speaker, and podcast host, and I’m the author of the book LAUNCH: How to Get Your Kids Through College Debt-Free and Into Jobs They Love Afterward.

My writing, speaking, and podcasting help parents set their kids up to graduate college debt-free and move directly into careers they excel at and love.

My work has been featured in publications such as The Huffington PostUSA TodayNerdWallet, and US News and World Report, and on CBS News.

I also help students apply to law, medical, business, and grad school from my website GetIntoMedSchool.com. You can follow me on Twitter @JBurlowski.

My team and I are leading a debt-free college revolution. We hope you’ll join us.

Hi, I'm Jeannie Burlowski.

I'm a full-time academic strategist, speaker, and podcast host, and I’m the author of the book LAUNCH: How to Get Your Kids Through College Debt-Free and Into Jobs They Love Afterward.

My writing, speaking, and podcasting help parents set their kids up to graduate college debt-free and move directly into careers they excel at and love.

My work has been featured in publications such as The Huffington PostUSA TodayNerdWallet, and US News and World Report, and on CBS News.

I also help students apply to law, medical, business, and grad school from my website GetIntoMedSchool.com. You can follow me on Twitter @JBurlowski.

My team and I are leading a debt-free college revolution. We hope you’ll join us.

Almost there! Complete this form and

click the button below to get instant access.

 

Get my FREE article:
 
"THE EFFECTIVE COLLEGE VISIT: Questions to Get Answered Before the Day is Over"

Success! Check your email to find your free article. See you there!

Almost there! Complete this form and

click the button below to get instant access.

 

Get my FREE article:
 
"How to Give College Savings As Birthday Gifts and Get Happy Hugs in Response"

Success! Check your email to find your free article. See you there!